by Brian Moss
My name is Root. I used to go by Cynthia, but all that changed when I left my career in finance back in '09. After I made my first million, I realized my aura involved some must-go negative vibes. Alas, the celery shake and mango oil cleanse couldn't get rid of my inner demons! I quickly left Akron to live on a communal freegan hemp farm in Humboldt County that I read about on Craigslist. What a joy! My spiritual mentor, an ex-real estate agent by the name of Moon Song IV, helped me realized what's really important in life: mind and body connectivity to the outer astral planes. During a two week peyote-fueled vision quest, the two of us met one of the ninth plain's deities, Bakbar Bloitus, a being from a distant galaxy. He made love to both of us. Gosh, what a game-changer that was! I won't go into the story now, but I'll tell you later if our two souls flow into one.
I recently left the farm and moved to Santa Cruz, where I opened up a boutique called Essence. What's really neat is that I don't even have to pay my two employees thanks to an internship program from UCSC's Sustainable Fashion Design 210 course. We specialize in tarot supplies, organic hemp clothing, essential oils, black light art, literature on the exploitation of single cell organisms in the San Lorenzo River, and hats made completely from recycled dreadlocks. I hate contributing to capitalism, but we do donate .005 percent of our profits to a buddhist monastery in Los Gatos.
I'm in an open relationship back home, but am hoping to hook up while burning. After all, you can't clip this bird's wings! My hobbies include truffle hunting, astrology, burlesque, stand-up paddle boarding, and EXPERIMENTATION. I'm really looking to have some fun at Tuesday's candy rave, Bass Laser, in the Great Doperession tent. Like playing doctor? Bring the MD, and I'll bring the MA! If you want into this funky journey I call life, just send some sensual and intellectual vibes my way.
Peace, Love, and Bakbar,