Cheeseburger Food Porn

by

comment

cheeseburger.jpg

It’s time to come clean: I have been looking at porn on my work computer. But it was for a project I was working on, I swear. Don’t judge me. You know you’ve done the same thing. You’re a little bored, so maybe you check your personal email. A friend sent a link. You look over your shoulder with those shifty eyes and make sure headphones are plugged in and sound at a low volume for double protection. One click and you’re listening to Patrick Warburton (Putty from “Seinfeld,” Kronk from “The Emperor’s New Groove”) elicit descriptions of sinful, naughty, sloppy cheeseburgers.

It’s so good, but it’s so, so bad. Almost every single sandwich in the Cheese and Burger Society has bacon. Some have two patties in one bun. One is topped with a fried egg, onion rings and ham in addition to cheddar and beef. Warburton calls it “a one way ticket to Yummyville,” then ask seductively, “Wanna ride shotgun?”

The aptly named Bohemian is, of course, our official preference. A burger with Gouda, fried proscuitto, wilted spinach, sliced turkey and pesto mayo on oat bread. They’re not all great, though. The Crabby Louie cheeseburger has krab meat, avocado, caramelized onion mayo and Monterey jack. That sounds like something from a “Saw” film. “EAT IT OR SHE DIES!!!!!!” “Do I REALLY have to?”

There are 40 burgers in all, the “inaugural 30” plus 10 named after cities. I’d like to think Warburton adlibbed much of the descriptions, because some are just so… weird. Kudos to the Wisconsin Milk Marketing Board, who launched the site this year as part of its Cheese and Burger Society campaign, highlighting Wisconsin cheese. Though everyone knows California and Wisconsin don’t see eye to eye when it comes to dairy products, we all know who has a better football team. And baseball team. And weather. And, well, the list goes on. But when it comes to marketing cheese, Wisconsin, I tip my hat to you.

Add a comment