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Toasted Planet Americana

A simple recipe

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In recent years, many ideas have been proposed to effect a cure for global warming. Among these have been nuclear power, carbon sequestration, carbon farming, etc. Unfortunately, these ideas tend to be reductionist in nature and do nothing to get at the root cause of our climate (and other) problems. To help understand the big picture a little better, here is a little Earth Day recipe for my fellow Americans.

Ingredients

2 c. overpopulation

1.5 c. overconsumption

1 c. political prostitution

3 tbsp. anthropocentric philosophy of expansionism, colonialism and speciesism

3 tbsp. capitalism, which promotes the two main ingredients of this recipe

3 tbsp. dysfunctional educational system that promotes at least four of the above ingredients

2 tbsp. of American citizens who have been taught very effectively by the politicians they vote for that money is the most important thing in life

2 tbsp. American citizens that have been taught very effectively by the politicians they vote for that the only way to solve a problem is to throw money at it

Preparation

Mix all of these ingredients together. You do not need an oven or a match; the cooking action takes place as a result of the chemical reaction when mixing the ingredients. Let ingredients simmer together for several years. Serve on a platter of anthropogenic byproducts of mankind's nasty habits and garnish with oceanic plastic. Bon appétit!

Doug Haymaker is an environmental science student at Santa Rosa Junior College and founder of the Clean Oceans Campaign.

Open Mic is a weekly feature in the 'Bohemian.' We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 350 words considered for publication, write openmic@bohemian.com.

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