Mr. Brian Fox Virgin Megastore 1540 Broadway, Level 2 New York, NY 10036
Dear Mr. Fox,
Forgive my departure from the Queen's English. Those who know me are sure to affirm a tenet of my character that forbids me from doing things half-assed. Seeing Star Wars was not enough. No, I proceeded to view The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, and that overhyped catastrophe The Phantom Menace. Ditto for The Godfather, Karate Kid, and Porky's trilogies.
I was dismayed to spend $4.25 for a 12-oz. bottle of Stewart's Root Beer at your Virgin Mega Store Cafe in Times Square. I am not disputing the price of the beverage, but that it leaves me only marginally exploited. If I am going to be ripped off, I want to go all out, push the limits, and attain new heights of suckerdom. Enclosed please find my receipt and $2 cash. That brings the total of my soft drink purchase to $4.50. Now that's highway robbery!
I would be obliged if you could recalibrate my receipt to reflect the cost increase.
Sincerely, Kenneth Cleaver
Kenneth Cleaver P.O. Box 810 Bedford, NY 10506
Dear Mr. Cleaver,
I am sorry that you didn't enjoy your experience here in our cafe. However, I cannot accept your payment, and I am going to return it to you with a coupon for two dollars off towards the purchase of a non-sale priced CD, DVD, video, or book.
Clinton Green, Shift manager
From the May 3-9, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.