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The White Wail

Trump to whales: drop dead



A huge endangered blue whale washed up on the Marin coast a couple of weeks ago, a majestic female that had birthed a couple of whale-pups over the years, then got hit by a commercial ship and died. The beached whale provided an apt metaphor for the fate of the 2016 electoral vote loser—and also for the priorities of the minority-president "winner."

One of the great and odious right-wing talking points of our time centers on this idea that Democrats and liberals care more about the rights and plights of sad-faced animals than about people, since liberals and Democrats support abortion rights and are therefore, as Eric Trump noted, a bunch of subhumans.

"They're not even people," says the big-game-slaying cretin.

Well, it's true that Democrats and liberals generally care more about protecting animals than do Republicans and conservatives (though it's not true that we're not people). You don't have to take the Bohemian's word when it comes to the animal kingdom's best friends on the political spectrum—just take a gander at the man in the White House, who clearly hates animals, or at least sees them as nothing more than a pesky and irrelevant impediment to MAGA.

The White House resident decided this week that endangered whales should just go ahead and die, when he ordered federal fish officials to toss a regulation designed to help keep nontargeted-species from dying in commercial gill-nets off the California coast, where the targeted species is swordfish, and yet where lots of mammals and turtles get hung up and die.

The message from the White House is as clear as it is revolting: marine mammals are disgusting pigs, turtles and porpoises and dolphins are a bunch of losers for getting caught in the nets, and if there's a reporter on the beat who doesn't like that version of events in the fake-news American crackup gone to hell in a hand basket of crooked deal-making—well, maybe Montana's newly minted Trumpian congressman, a real big-game slayer himself, will punch the reporter in the face to set him straight—straight out whale on him.

Tom Gogola is the news editor of the 'Bohemian.'

Open Mic is a weekly feature in the 'Bohemian.' We welcome your contribution. To have your topical essay of 350 words considered for publication, write


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